The Return of Schizophrenic Conversations

Posted by morynot on 11:53 PM on July 18, 2008.

"So why can't you talk to her about how you feel?" I asked him while I lit a cigarette. "I don't know. You know very well that I'm not good with this, right? And aren't you supposed to be helping me out?" He replied. I blew out a thick cloud of smoke before I started talking. We both stared at it as it fluttered upwards to join the rainy season air, and maybe at that moment we both realized that his mind was as cloudy as the smoke in front of us. "I'm trying to help you out here. I can't start doing so without knowing why you can't talk to her. You've been friends for how long?" "Let's clear our premises, dude. First off, is she really friends with me? Second, what do you think will she and HE do when I press this cute green button right here? Think about it."

Just then Tony arrived and took the cigarette from between my fingers and puffed it. I took it back from him and flicked the butt to let off burnt ash. "Is this about the rubber-plastic doll again? Geez, JR! When are you gonna stop? You're starting to sound like that fucktard who was in love for two years with a fat, ugly nigger in that flick... uhh... what's the title again?" he started. "Forty Year Old Virgin." I finished. "Yeah, that one. It's getting annoying. Even the only person who listens to you about it thinks so, too. Snap out of it! There are around four billion women in this planet; maybe more. Come on!" He said as he took my cigartte again.

***Music playing: That Green Gentleman - Panic at the Disco

JR mused: how come everbody's telling him to get over that girl, when he actually can't? He tried to; actually, he really did. Until recently when it everything came back and everything hurt more than it did before. Are they sympathetic or simply annoyed? He wondered if nobody would bring it up again when he stopped doing so. If nobody, not even him did so, what would be his outlet then?

***And everybody gets their, everybody gets their way

I crushed my cigarette when I saw the Marlboro written on the corn paper burning. I lifted my head up and looked at all directions. "Where is she?" I thought. "Waiting for anybody?" JR asked. "Yeah. We're supposed to meet Cess here, remember? I'm starving." I replied. "Then go get us some food. I think Kuya Noy's waiting for your order." Tony picked a cigarette from the pack on top of my bag and lit it. Just then Cess arrived. Tony, JR and I removed our headphones simultaneously, as if coreographed and smiled at her. "I'm sorry I'm late. You should eat." "We were waiting for you. Let's go." "I already ate, that's why I'm late." She replied. "Oh, Ok." Tony said. He stood up and walked over to Kuya Noy to get our day's worth of food.

A few hours later, after another informative class of Conceptual Photography, Cess, Nikki and some of their friends were hanging out in the 12th floor bathroom. I stood outside and started talking to JR again. "What are you thinking now?" I asked. "I'm wondering what she did to me. What kind of a friggin curse did she imbibe on me to keep me from feeling again? I mean, I thought I did two times after we broke up, but they turned out to be short-lived. Why in the world can't I feel the same again?" He said, appearing frustrated now. "Ely Miranda?" A voice from inside the bathroom called. I turned around and asked, "Did I just hear my name?" Cess was giggling while Nikki looked confused. She returned to what she was doing after I laughed a bit.

"It's pretty much not about what she did, bro. It's what you're doing. You're torturing yourself; you're preventing yourself. That's the way I see it. You're so devastated, frustrated, hurt and pained with your stupidifty that you won't even try again." I told him while I was walking towards the glass wall. I looked outside and saw the same cloud of smoke I saw this morning when I climbed the building. That cloud of smoke cost a lot of students and employees their attendance records.

Tony walked towards us again while staring at the white smoke fluttering in the afternoon wind. He placed his arm around JR's shoulders and said "Fire's still there. Or are they embers. I wonder if anybody's hurt."

JR couldn't help but sigh.

to read the past Schizophrenic Conversations, go to http://tonyrom.tabulas.com

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